A Letter To My One True Love.
Samantha Lynn Goudie, will you marry me? Every once in a while I come across a truly inspirational story that puts a smile on my face and makes me believe there are some good people out there. This morning while perusing my go-to news site the Huffington Post, I came across an article about the lovely Ms. Goudie. Samantha is a 22 year old college student who was arrested this past weekend at an Iowa football game for storming the field and when she blew into the breathalyzer she recorded a .341 BAC. After she was released from jail and just before she deleted her Twitter account (@vodka_samm) she tweeted things such as:
“Just went to jail #yolo”
“Blew a .341 in jail”
“I’m going to get .341 tattooed on me because it’s so epic”
So I repeat, Samantha Lynn Goudie, will you marry me?
I will state my case to you Ms. Goudie in this article that I fully intend for you to respond to:
Number 1- I also drink a whole bunch. We could just hang out get loaded and have who has a higher BAC contests. While my highest recorded level was just a measly .140 I know that I have been MUCH higher than that. Dude, like last weekend I polished off a bottle of Jameson and blacked out for at least 13 hours. I had to be pretty close to your record. I feel I could really give you a run for your money.
Number 2- You are smoking hot. Way out of my league, but give me a chance. My personality isn’t the best and I’m not exactly Ryan Gosling looks wise and my penis isn’t anything to write home about and I’m not too good at sex… But the way I look at it we’ll both be too drunk all the time for you to notice those things.
Number 3- I don’t make a lot of money but what I do make I will be sure to spend on you and our drinking. I would never let a beautiful gem like you slip away.
Number 4- I also have a mug shot from when I got arrested for an alcohol related offense. I feel like we could crop them together and send out a fun couple’s Christmas card.
I think those are some pretty good reasons as to why you should be with me Samantha. You complete me. You had me at hello. Everything I do I do it for you. You can be my Maid Marion. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that I had seen my soul mate, my life, my rose. From the ashes of the past bloom the flowers of tomorrow, so let us garden those flowers together for eternity on clouds of gin, vodka and whiskey. I love you.
To read the Samantha story visit here